The Life as "Mom".

Being a mother means so many things to so many women. For some they can be Mom and work outside the home. Others choose to be Stay at Home Moms. Both have their pros and cons, ups and downs. I, personally, am a Stay at home variety mom. It is very rewarding but it's also full of it's major downs.

One of the biggest downs is the incedence of depression. Depressive disorders lead to feelings of exhaustion, worthlessness, helplessness and hopelessness. They are hard feelings to have on a good day but when you are dealing with depression, you can feel at times like giving up. The one thing to keep in mind is that these feelings don't typically reflect actual circumstances.

Often a women who already has problems with self esteem, autonomy, competition and commitment has trouble with the added burden of being a stay at home mom and cutting out the outside world connected to work. Depression shows in different ways. Some women may cry and feel very sad, others feel angry, irratable and anxious. These can be compounded by vague physical symptoms such as constipation, muscle aches and headaches.

Depression is NOT a "phase" or just a bad mood, it is a real problem with real symptoms and consequences. Some things to ask yourself if trying to determine if symptoms are truely depression are:

1. Do I feel sad or down most of the time?

2. Have I lost interest in the activities I used to enjoy?

3. Do I feel tired almost every day?

4. Do I have problems sleeping? Do I sleep too much or am I staying awake at night?

5. Has my appetite changed?( I'm not eating enough or I'm eating too much.)

6. Do I have trouble concentrating?

7. Do my friends say I'm acting differently? (I'm either anxious and restless or lethargic.)

8. Do I feel worthless or hopeless?

9. Do I have frequent headaches, stomach problems, muscle pain or back problems?

10. Do I find myself thinking a lot about dying?

If you find that you can answer yes to more than 5 of these it is time to seek professional help. Sometimes you just need to speak to a therapist and discuss different "therapies" and other times it may just be best to try an Anti-Depressant. Some other things that can help are:

1. Set realistic goals and a reasonable amount of responsibility for yourself.

2. Break large tasks down into smaller ones and do what you can, when you can.

3. Try to confide in someone and be around others if you can.

4. Participate in dailiy activities.

5. Try mild exercise, go to a movie, attend a religious, social or other activity.

6. Expect improvement to take time, it will not get better overnight.

7. Postpone major decisions if you can and try to talk to a professional who is objective.

8. Ask for help and don't feel guilty!

9. Seek the help and advise of a professional.

As a Stay at Home mom you find that adult interaction can be very limited as you do not have the daily routine of going to work. It also feels like your job never ends, and it doesn't. You are always on call to be the chef, laundromat, cheaufer, accountant, diaper changer, nurse, etc. and you can be called into battle at any time of the day or night. Just know that you are not alone, you are among the many who do the very same thing day in and day out, and they often feel the same as you! You will sometimes feel like you are a prisoner but know that will also change with time as well!

At first you may feel simply like sleeping when the kids do. That then leads to feeling easily irritated when the kids want to play and you do not or they break something. If you find that the kids are getting to you, be honest, take a "time out" (close your eyes and count to 10) and don't feel guilty. This in not your fault and you really have no control over it. Everyone reaches a breaking point if you have no outlet.

One solution may be as simple as "Mommy time". Time apart for yourself is good for everyone. You know the old saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." this is a prime example how an absence helps the heart to heal. Other helpful solutions are:

1. Stay connected.

Isolation is a joy-killer and a sure means to loneliness and depression. The Internet is a wonderful tool for reaching out to other like-minded moms. Of course, in-the-flesh relationships are important, so be sure to cultivate these as well.

2. Get organized.

Relax -- I'm not suggesting that you write a detailed list every morning and check things off one by one! Perish the thought. I've got a much better solution for you: Flylady. Check her out at Flylady.net. She will help you get a handle on the chaos in your house -- one teeny, tiny baby step at a time.

3. Keep Laughing.

It's true -- laughter will carry you through more than you ever dreamed you could handle. As stay-at-home moms, we need to know first and foremost that we are not alone; that the struggles in our days are shared by thousands of women just like us; and that the best medicine for a stressful day is a good dose of laughter.

4. Love Yourself.

This means exactly what it says. Your children's needs will always be a priority -- but if Mommy never takes time for herself she will end up with nothing left to give. Whether it's a walk in the park, a nice bubblebath, or a coffee date with a girlfriend, you simply MUST do it.

You need to take care of yourself, too. Subsisting on potato chips and the leftovers from your children's lunch plates isn't going to leave you with much energy. Eat right, get adequate sleep, and exercise in whatever way brings you joy. (What? "Exercise" and "joy" in the same sentence? Ah, but I suppose that's a separate subject entirely.)

5. Love your husband.

Sometimes more easily said than done, no doubt. But don't ever lose sight of the fact that you and your Prince Charming were an "item" before the first baby ever came along. Do whatever you can do to nurture your relationship.

You are most definitely not alone in your stay-at-home calling. There are many of us out there. We need to reach out and throw each other a line. It's amazing what a difference it makes simply knowing that you're not the only one crying along with your newborn -- or suffocating under six feet of laundry -- or forgetting to turn the crockpot on because you were up all night with a croupy baby. Just keep in mind that with time and a few life adjustments, it will get better and you will get back to the happy woman with the great kids and perfect house!